No one will say or do all the right things.  I learned this the hard way when I lost children due to premature birth. I am not just talking about others reactions, I am also talking about my own. Have you had this experience?  Not knowing how to act or what to say when someone suffers a death in their family or loses a close friend?  I always felt so uncomfortable with choosing the right words.  Are there the right words?  I found the most comforting words were, “I’m so sorry.”  So simple but until you experience loss, how would you know what to say? 

After the loss of my son and daughter, I looked to people for sympathy and found awkward behavior.  People would say things that hurt my feelings.  They didn’t mean too.  They didn’t know what to say.  I would do the same thing when faced with a friend who was in pain.  I tried to remember that if someone has not suffered loss, how do they know the right thing to say?  It is important to know that you tried.  You wanted to comfort them.  I now know to simply say,  “I’m sorry.”  I give them a chance to talk about the loss when it is best for them and I let them know I am here to help them whenever they need someone.  If you have been at a friend or relative’s home when they have suffered loss, if they judge you, be patient.  Remember they are not in a good place and they are probably struggling with all their emotions.  They too are overwhelmed with the loss and the sudden influx of people surrounding them.  Death is terrible experience with which we will all find our own way to deal with over time.  At the beginning, a simple message of sympathy or empathy is expressed in the beautiful words, “I’m so sorry.” 

This is dedicated to William and Merritt Elizabeth Heckert.